


Basketcase

by fuckwellington



Category: Drarry - Fandom, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Anorexia, Death, M/M, Muggle AU, Violence, school shooting, selfharm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-01
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2018-07-11 12:28:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7051534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fuckwellington/pseuds/fuckwellington
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>''i went to dad's closet, picked up his .45, got three boxes of bullets, and on my hip it shall reside,''</p>
<p> </p>
<p>''i've finally found my smile, it's pure and blood stained, so who's a bitch now, i'll paint the lockers with your brains,''</p>
<p>Where Draco is sad and Harry doesnt care.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Im the fucking best at being the absolute worst

**Author's Note:**

> flames so hot that they turn blue thats the way i feel for you
> 
> ~

It was raining hard. My hair was going to be ruined, which I hated. I put so much time into my physical appearance and the having mother nature fuck it up is so annoying. He already was upset that his outfit wasn't to his satisfaction. Fuck it. Draco thought to himself. Its not like anyone paid attention to him anyways. He wished a certain person did though. Sometimes they did, sometimes. Other times they ignore me and act like i dont exist. Which is sometimes the better option for me anyways.

i say the word sometimes too much. Draco headed out of the door and walked his way to school, walking alone in the rain. It was kinda aesthetically pleasing but then again all Draco could smell was burning hair. I knew he was trouble. There he is thinking about Harry. The boy who loved him and left him to fit in. Isn't it sad when someone just makes you feel so special about yourself and straights up leaves you? 

 

Not like Harry would care anyways. He's a traitor now. A stupid, ugly, annoying, traitor. Who i may or may not love anymore. May. Love a lot. And i hate him for it. I hate that he hates me now. What did I do? Why dont you like me? 

 

Its because i'm ugly, probably. Or stupid. Or because i'm depressed. Or the scars that line my wrists. Its all my fault. 

 

The blonde boy waked into the school building and immediately went to the bathroom to make sure he didn't look a total mess. 

 

Still not satisfied with the way he looked, he ruffled his hair a bit looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. I'll never be attractive enough. He probably has his eye on that pretty new girl in our class Hermione. 

 

Im nothing. No matter what i wont amount to shit.

 

Draco walked into his class room ten minutes earlier than everyone. If he didn't, he'd have to face the anxiety of coming in with the class from the cafeteria. It would be a nightmare. His heart raced in his chest as he thought about it. He walked over to his seat and slumped down, sinking low. Pulling out a book, he pretended to read until the class got back and tried to look invisible as possible.

No later than an extra seven more minutes the class including a late substitute teacher hurried into the room. Everyone was chatting and yelling and socializing, including Harry. Draco looked up from his book, scared that Harry this once might just make eye contact with him. Harry walked over to his little ''group'' and proceeded to laugh like a dumb jock. Harry isn't a dumb jock. Why must he act this way? 

He never acted like this when he and Draco were still together. But that was in the past. Harry has changed. He's not the same person he was last year. And it hurts me so much. 

 

Draco was still watching Harry as he thought about all of this, and while the petite substitute was trying to calm the class down and get them settled, Harry not once glanced at Draco. And finally, giving up, (like he does every morning) he looked down and continued to ''read'' until his head stopped spinning and Harry left his mind. 


	2. Fuck you're such a riot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> take away the sensation inside, bitter sweet migraine in my head
> 
> ~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ''im just like you, nobody loves me its driving me insane,''
> 
> ''shut it out of your pretty mind, they never cared for you,''

Draco's in the library. Its lunch time and he's back with starving himself. Maybe its an excuse to get away from Harry. Maybe he thinks he needs to lose some weight. Maybe he wants Harry to think he's beautiful instead of fat and gross. Whatever the case may be, Draco enjoys the feeling of being empty so its a bittersweet pain in his stomach regardless. He twiddles his thumbs for a while and thinks about a world where things were different. Way different than this one.

He knows its unhealthy to still obsess of this toxic disease he calls his ex, but still. Love is love. Its hasn't evaporated and Draco is high from the feeling. _Maybe if i get a little prettier he'll love me again._

_Yet, Draco knows this wont happen._ However Harry has managed to do it, he's forgotten about Draco. Every touch, whisper, and laugh. Draco remembers it all. _Maybe it wasn't that hard forgetting me._

_My mind is such a twisted wasteland. With a simple movement of his hand, he pulls out his notepad and begins to write._

**_gunshots are echoing into the void that is my head i'd be better off dead_ **

**_welcome to paradise and warzones filled with inky poisons and regret_ **

**_why wont you ever leave my fucking brain you're driving me insane_ **

**_dont you forget about us or the memories they still call my name_ **

**_haunting me and taunting me, dont you see? they never forget_ **

**_i think im paranoid and mumbling to myself but now im dead_ **

**_-_ **

Draco puts away his pen and notepad with a heavy sigh coming out of chest. Daily poetry you can call it i guess. It helps relieve some of the pain that piles up in his lungs. _i need to stop wasting time and get out of here. its probably past lunch time._ With that, Draco walks out of library and into the deserted hallways. 

_''Where do you think you're going, princess?'' A nasty and obscene voice gurgles out from behind. Draco pauses. He thought the hallways were empty. im such an idiot._

_''P-please dont hurt me, please i'll do anything,'' Draco turns around slowly and there he is. One of the dumb jocks that Harry hangs out with. ''Oh, sugar drop. Dont be scared. I'll make this hurt 2 times less than i usually do,''_

_Draco felt his face turn red and can tell his vision becoming blurry. Just when it couldn't get any better, it gets worse. Before he could even try to run, the guy grabbed his arm and pushed him down onto the hard stone floor, there would be a bruise on the left side of his eye. With his arm being shoved behind his back, the jock holds it down and starts kicking draco from every side he can reach._

_He's crying, in pain, and wanting to disappear more than he usually does, and thats a lot. ''No! Let me go! Plea-''_

_Another kick to the stomach. Draco can only do but whimper now. He's still hurting him. A kick to the head, and one the right side of his face. He can only do but struggle._

_He's never been in so much utter pain._

_''See you later, faggot.''_

_Then everything went black._


	3. To taste your prison

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ''when i opened the gym door, you should have seen those fucks run, poured a full clip, in the back i've got some,''
> 
> ''put words in my mouth and I'll put a bullet in yours,''
> 
> ~

Draco awoke in the art room dazed and confused. The only thing he remembered was getting violently kicked a thousand times and the pain of it all. He doesn't know how he got into the art room and quite frankly, he doesn't mind, as long as he's alone.

He just always wanted to be the one that doesn't feel invisible.Ya know? Just for once. Maybe then he'd stop pushing people away, maybe then he'll have confidence and hate himself less. It seems the world doesn't want Draco to be happy. Ultimately, he fears its going to kill him. _i think it just might one day._

_He sits up on the art room couch and rubs his arms in small circular motions. they ache so bad. He feels as if his whole body is one fire._

_the last thing to cross his mind though, is who put him in this art room anyways?_

_as if someone read his mind, a voiced echoed the room, startling Draco. ''You feeling better there Draco?''_

_Draco turned around slowly, scared it might be someone who wants to hurt him again. To his surprise, it was someone he'd never expect it to be._

_It was his very own father._

_''F-father?'' Why are you here? He asked with a voice laced with curiosity and a little fear._

_His father wasn't one to be known was nice._

_Lat time Draco saw his dad, well. He doesn't like to talk about it, but thats where the beatings began. Mother didn't care, and father would abuse you if you bothered him or if he felt like hitting you._

_Hopefully he wouldn't get angry with Draco or notice his cuts. That'll definitely result to a whipping if he found out. Why was his father here in his school anyways? To check up on him? How did he find him unconscious on the hallway floor anyways?_

_''You're probably wondering why i'm here,'' He begins. Draco's a bit on edge. This is his father after all. Anything can happen._

_''Nothings really wrong, besides the fact i found you looking rather beaten up and unconscious on the school floor, but no matter that. This is about your mother,''_

_My mother?_

_''Yes your mother Draco. She's become terribly sick. I fear she wont have such a speedy recovery as other people considering her well, you know. Her condition.'' His father concludes._

_Condition? What is he on about? Draco thinks to himself. ''So you'd like me to nurse her back to health basically?'' He asks his father._

_''Well she's not going to nurse herself back to health by herself is she?'' He retorts. Draco simp,y nods his head and stands up._

_His body is aching and his legs are begging him to sit back down but he cant disobey his father. Lucius definitely wasnt going to care for his own wife. Im not sure he still loves her anymore._

_Im not sure if he loves anything anymore._

_So, Draco leaves the school with his father and they finally drive home together. Awkwardness and tension is in the air the whole car ride but his father either didn't care or ignored it. Draco looked out the window and tried to rest a little since his body was still so sore._

_I guess i'm going to have to deal with it. ''I deserve the pain anyways.'' He mumbles to himself._

_''What was that?'' Lucius asked his son. ''Oh, nothing father,''  and the rest of the ride was silent._

 


	4. Cripping under it all

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ''Are you thinking of me now?''

Harry's Pov -

 

''Bloody hell Ron i don't need another reason to come home late,'' Harry laughed at his friend while not putting the thought out of his head. A couple random chicks to shag and dispose soon after is probably something he needed anyways. ''Oh come on you know you want too! I heard that blonde chick is willing to do anything in bed,'' Ron smirks and the black haired boy shook his head.

''Oh for for fucks sake, fine, lets go.'' Harry gave in and followed his red haired friend down the street to their houses. Harry honestly wanted to just go by himself with the two of them but he couldn't disrespect Ron that way- he'd share.

They approached the houses and knocked at the door, waiting on the steps. A minute later a busty brunette and big reared blonde girl answered the door. They looked like cheap sluts. Harry thought to himself. Then again, thats what they were.

''Well come on in boys, we love company.'' Said the brunette , the blonde just giggled. Harry and Ron exchanged smirks and made their way into the houses, ready for a wild and obscene rest of the night.

\--

Draco's Pov -

Draco's dad had dropped him off at the house hours ago and just drove away afterwards. He had no idea where he was going, but frankly, Daco didn't care. After checking on his mother, who was sound asleep in her bed with a bottle of rum next to her- he went into his room and started at the walls. Over thinking. As usual. 

I wonder if he's thinking about me right now. Maybe he's wondering what im doing or if i forgive his friend that beat me up today.

Maybe he really does care about me,

Little did Draco know, it was the exact opposite.


	5. Still Breathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "my head is above the rain and roses,"

Draco's pov

-  
Three o'clock in the morning. You're probably sleeping, and i'm crying.   
The dreams that constantly conquer my mind and tear my thoughts apart; keep coming back.  
Draco sits alone in his room, cold, eerily quiet, and contemplating whether or not to keep going.   
He does this almost every night.   
The shivering boy stands up from his messy bed and walks slowly to his bathroom. Each step of his feeling heavier and heavier. Locking the door behind him, Draco glances at himself in the mirror and cries harder. "What have i become?" He whispered aloud to himself.   
What have i become?   
He then grabs the blade from behind his toothbrush container, the blade cold. His skin aching. Pressing the sharp object into his skin, he cries harder and harder. His sobs gradually filling the void. "Just love me," He cries. "You know i cant love myself."

 

 

-  
a/n   
im back! sorry i took so long to update, school had been stressful. expect more updates to come though. stay alive.- charlie


	6. I love what my hate makes me do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ''But if I fall  
> Flat on my face  
> Then may my bones break  
> Under my own weight,''

Harry's Pov - It was three thirty in the morning. Ron had left him shortly after he gotten finished with the brunette girl and reminded him to wear a rubber. Although Harry was having a rather fun time, the weirdest thought came to his head. Almost as if it was gently planted into the front of his mind. A blonde, almost silvery blonde, boy. A boy that Harry used to rather fond of. That is until his Uncle Vernon found out. The abuse Harry received from his Uncle, why it was enough to make any person go mad. It was all Draco's fault. And in Harry's mind, that was completely true. The bloody fag convinced him to kiss him, convinced him to believe that what they were doing was ok, convinced him that he lov-, well you get the idea. He couldn't stand thinking about it. He couldn't stand thinking that he had been with a boy. Draco was an abomination, just like his Uncle had told Harry. At first, Harry wanted to be with Draco on the low, He thought that maybe they could keep it a secret and no one would find out. But when Harry's Uncle noticed his nephew coming home smelling like men's cologne and scattered in love bites, he payed it no mind. Until Harry was dumb enough to trace Draco's name into his hand with pen and Vernon finally lost it. Harry was so bruised and weak that he didn't come to school for two weeks. When Harry had returned to school, Draco ran up to him asking if he was okay. Harry was so brainwashed and damaged at that point that his only emotion was hate. He threw Draco off of him, causing a scene in the hallways. He then proceeded to punch Draco with all his might, calling him the most disgusting names he could think of. After that Draco left Harry alone. But Harry was not finished with him at all. He would have his friends corner him and beat him up almost everyday, just for fun. He'd told almost half the school that Draco was a fag and tried to force himself onto him after school one day. That was a lie. Harry didn't care anymore. In his eyes, Draco ruined his life. And he would make him pay.   
Just thinking of Draco made Harry's blood boil, so he put back on his clothes and shoes and started to walk out of his one night stands flat. Suddenly a memory appeared in Harry head. ''And you'll always love me right?'' Draco's voice said over the telephone. ''Always.'' Harry's voice responded.   
Then he started to run.


	7. One second of your undivided attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ''All I have now are memories  
> Of how you felt lying next to me  
> All we are is a memory  
> I used to have a best friend,  
> Now just one more enemy''

''And I found some scars in places I have never shown to anyone  
I don't know why it took so long to get back home, ''   
Draco's pov - The ceiling is white. All Draco knows is that the ceiling is white. It had never really hit him like this before. His wrists, which were dried with blood and stinging, ached and itched. The alcohol flowing through his veins had made the walls of his quiet room blurry. There was nothing but white noise ringing through his ears. To anyone who might have walked in, they'd have thought the frail boy was dead. He was slumped over his small bed with his head looking towards the floor. You could barely notice the slow rising of his chest that indicated breathing patterns. Draco was still. And all that he knew, was that the ceiling was white.   
His mother was getting worse. She'd call his name twice in a day for a glass of water and a bottle of rum. Never for a real meal. Draco had tried to make her eat some soup he'd cooked for her yesterday but she harshly refused and told him to get out. His father almost never comes to check on them. Draco thinks he's left them. His mother pretends that she doesn't remember being married to Lucius. It's all a mess that cant be cleaned up. Just like Draco. A island of despair that had long been forgotten. Forgotten by everything, nothing really matters. So he turned over on his bed and sighed. Then he promised himself one thing. He'd be gone by December.


	8. Some things change but they don't get better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ''Someone I love threw me away  
> But I don't mind, no I don't mind at all.''

Draco's pov - When he awoke the next morning with a headache and a bad hair day he decided not to go to school. That is until his mother had told him he needed to get his education while he still could, and Draco didn't want to disappoint her. So he walked to his godforsaken highschool and skipped breakfast as soon as he saw who was in the cafeteria. Harry. Harry. Harry. The name didn't even bother Draco at this point. He'd become numb to everything he'd thought loved him. His wrists were bandaged and his sides were still a bit bruised, but he managed to make it until 6th period without crying. He ran into the restroom as soon as the bell rang, this was the class they'd had together. But Harry sat in the back now. Draco sat in the very front away from everyone who might hurt or laugh at him just for existing. So he hid in the stall for 9 minutes until he heard someone walk in. Low and behold guess who it was. ''What the fuck are you doing in the damn stall Malfoy?'' Draco was shocked and happy that Harry was actually talking to him, not paying attention to the harmful words Harry spoke to him. ''Are you just going to stand there like a bloody idiot?'' Harry asked Draco again. ''U-um no, actually i was just goi-'' All of a sudden Harry's eyes didn't seem as soft as they used to be. ''You know what? Get your queer ass the hell away from me before I waste you right here.'' Draco looked at Harry as though he might have said something hurtful back, but the words didn't escape from his mouth. Instead all he said was ''Sorry Haz.'' And quickly ran out the restroom into class. His mind a mess of confusion. He'd spoken to him.


End file.
